N-Not there!
Look, Kaho—look how hard this is here.
Wh-What are they doing in there? I mean, what are they doing in there?
And what are you doing, hmm?
Yikes! Um, well, I...
Feel good, Kaho?
How about here? How's this feel?
Hey, Chiaki—
Coming in!
What's going on?
A massage!
Huh?
Kaho looked tired. Mom did this for me a lot.
Too bad, Shinohara.
It was much more wholesome than whatever you were picturing outside.
Thanks, Kanade.
Kaho, you're still tired.
Huh?
That means...
...it's time for my ultimate weapon!
Pair Ticket
The Relaxabath Kurhaus
Free Admission
Super Bath House
To the super bath house!
First Love Monster
The Relaxabath Kurhaus
I Know—To the Bath House!
So this is a super bath house?
I bet Kanade looks great in swim trunks, too.
Oh, cut it out!
Men and women bathe together?!
First time, huh, Kaho?
Oh—yeah!
Kaho!
Kanade's really going all-out—in more ways than one.
Kaho, Kaho—what bath should we try first?
Hold it!
Kanade, take off the goggles. No swimming here!
Aw!
And have you primary-school kids gone to the bathroom?
If you haven't, go now! Kids have to go before a bath!
Hmm.
Your telling us that has made me need to go.
Ha ha! Poop! Poop! Pooper-man!
Primary-school boys sure do like poop, huh.
Huh?!
I'm not a little kid, so I don't like poop.
And I would never mistake poop for chocolate!
Kanade... no one would say that unless it had happened.
Kanade.
Quit spouting nonsense, Kanade. To the restroom.
Aw!
No Running in the Hallway!
Enough! We're all going!
'Kaaay.
Uh, Miss Nikaidou, sorry to tag along...
Huh?
I-I mean, barging in on your date and all...
Oh, right... this is a date, isn't it?
Huh?
You are such a masochist.
Kanade...
This really holds the boys in place!
Nice!
I've been taking these huge steps, and my w**ner hasn't budged!
Those are some powerful trunks!
What if I did a cartwheel?
Ah!
Nothing.
Whoa!
A-hup!
It's staying put!
My w**ner's not moving!
Wow! They have so many different baths!
Indeed. You see why a primary-schooler would like it.
What's keeping Kanade and the others?
They're probably playing some dumb game.
I'll go check.
Since we're here and all, I'd like to be with Kanade.
Bare butt.
Bare buttocks.
Bare behind!
Butt plus butt makes double-butt buds!
Ow! Don't do it for real!
Where could Kanade be?
Huh? Kanade?
Didn't yer folks tell ya it's dangerous to be runnin' like that?
Oh, I'm sorry—thanks for helping me.
What's yer name, miss?
Huh? Oh, it's Nikaidou Kaho—
I'm in love!
Wh-What?!
'S like a jolt of electricity! This is fate!
Wait wait wait!
Hey! Who are you?
Kanade!
You got a lot of nerve messing with my girlfriend!
Kanade!
You!
So? You gonna bring it?
I'm not!
There comes a time when a man must fight.
Hey, I thought I recognized that voice. If it ain't Kanade!
'S me! Me! Didja forget?
It's the Naniwa Speed Coaster: Takahashi Jouji!
Bro!
What does he mean, "Bro"?!
Been a year, huh? What's goin' on?
Ya got way too big there, kid!
I'm having a growth spurt!
Are ya, now!
He's a tad bigger than any growth spurt could explain away...
Karma. Reincarnation. Long-lost brothers, reunited at last!
Guided by the cosmos!
Hey, Kanade!
I've known you since kindergarten,
but this is the first I've heard of any brother.
Just who is this "Bro" fellow?
Who, me?
What? So he isn't his big brother after all?
So who is this guy, with his Osaka drawl?
I'm his cousin—Kanade's cousin, Takahashi Jouji.
Ta-da!
Just call me Jouji, the Naniwa Speed Coaster!
I'm Tomu!
Gin!
Kaho-yan!
Uh, yeah?
Wh-What the—?! I've never been called that before!
Kanade's a good guy, but he's a kid! In fifth grade!
Why're ya datin' him?
Huh?!
Huh?
Date me instead.
U-Um, but—
I'm more grown-up!
I-I love him is why. I love Kanade!
Aw, who cares 'bout that?
Er, how old are you, Jouji?
Eh?
Sixth grade!
I figured as much.
And... it says so right there.
Takahashi Jouji
6th-Grader
Oh, there's Kanade!
Are there more of them now?
I told you, Bro—
Kaho's my girlfriend!
One woman, two men.
Y'know what that means.
What?
Who?
Where?
Why me?
We battle!
Battle
Whaaat?!
You ready, Bro?
Ready!
Whoever gets the swimcap wins!
Arashi, this has nothing to do with us!
Why are we the horses?
I didn't think we'd have any say in the matter.
Okay, here goes!
What'll I do?
Leave them alone.
Where'd Kazu get that elegant setup?
Makurazaki, offer the ladies tea, too.
Yes, sir.
So he has a butler.
Makurazaki Munemitsu
Butler
In my experience, when you hang out with fools,
you get caught in the crossfire.
In my experience, just pretend you don't know them.
Tomu, Gin, turn right!
Roger!
Things are really amped up now that Kanade's seen Jouji
for the first time in a while.
This should be fun!
Here we go!
My killer move: the head-grab!
Got it! We won!
Say what?!
Those're swim trunks! But whose?
I saw that! They're Shinohara Kouta's!
No pants, no pants, no-pants Kouta!
Stop that! You guys!
Butt! Butt! Kouta's b—
Hey, are you in high school?
Nope!
College, then? Either way, could you quit fooling around?
You're too grown-up for that.
We're not grown-up yet!
Huh?
We're sorry! We're sorry! We're sorry!
We're really sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
So hey, Bro, what are you doing in Tokyo?
I'm a traveler. I've forsaken my home.
Truth is, Moms tossed out all o' my Pachimon cards.
She what?!
Y-You mean, that happens?!
Mothers are fearsome creatures who can, from time to time,
perform such atrocities without batting an eye.
My brothers!
That's Kanade's cousin for you: a man of discriminating tastes!
That's Kanade's friends for ya!
Let's take a bath together as a sign of our reconciliation!
Yeah!
Have they made up?
Kaho!
Kaho, come here!
O-Okay!
Coffee Bath
Kanade...
Barista—the usual.
Chomolungma, sir?
Everest, duh!
Kilimanjaro!
The Kilimanjaro jar, yo!
Jar, yo! Jar, yo!
It's gotten darker, so you kids be careful.
We'll be fine.
Makurazaki will take us home.
Kanade! Bye-bye-banana!
Banana-nana buttface!
Whoa!
Huh?
Made you look!
Wha—?!
Dang it!
The dinosaur bath really did it for me. What about you, Kaho?
Let's see...
Maybe the diet cola bath?
You feel a little better now?
Yeah!
Kanade.
And Kaho-yan. Can I have a word with ya?
A-Are you sure it's okay for us to be following them?
I mean, it's way too amusing to ignore.
Besides, that's rich coming from an inveterate eavesdropper.
So what's this about?
I said I came to Tokyo 'cause Moms threw out all my cards, right?
Yeah?
But...
I been keepin' this ultra-rare 3S card on me the whole time!
Th-That's the "Gaia Whispers 'Shine'" card!
Ack! Did he just pull that out of his undies?!
...the whole time!
Th-That's...
Ack! Did he just pull that out of his undies?!
What are you doing?
Oh! Taga! Shh!
And I'm givin' it to you.
Seriously? Yesss!
Wait—I ain't givin' it away for free.
What, you want money? I only have 814 yen.
It's a tradin' card, remember.
So the card for...
The card for Kaho-yan!
What?!
Well? Pretty sweet, right?
D-Don't tell me Kanade would—
No deal.
Kaho isn't a thing. You can't treat girls like things.
I actually thought Kanade might go for it.
I'm sorry. And thank you.
Omigosh, I'm so happy!
Yeah, you're right, Kanade. My bad.
At least ya see where I'm comin' from.
What's with the drawl, huh?
Yers must be catchin'!
It ain't catchin', ya dumbo!
It's like they're even closer now. Gosh, what good friends!
Hey, Bro...
'Sup, Kanade?
With the card trade off the table, I've been thinking...
Let's all date together!
The three of us?
Yeah. You, me, and Kaho-chin.
Wait just a second here. What?
"You, me, and Kaho-chin" sounds like some romance novel—
this is crazy, right?
Just because they're getting along doesn't mean—
You and Kaho are both important to me,
so it'd be great if all three of us could pal around together.
Huh?
What's this?
Even though it happens all the time...
...and it's not the first time Kanade's been all mixed up...
Ouch...
Let's be a great trio from here on out.
Yup!
No...
My heart... it hurts.
That's not right.
Couples are couples. They don't date in threes.
I'm thinking about Bro's feelings, too.
What about my feelings?
Huh?
And what about yours, Kanade?
Your feelings?
You love me, right?
I do—l love you, Kanade.
I love only you.
I'm not looking to play all friendly with you and Jouji.
Huh? No playing?
Then what do you want to do?
It's not about me wanting to do this or that.
I want to be special for you alone, and I want you to be special for me.
You can do whatever weird things and say whatever kiddy stuff you want,
as long as I'm special to you.
But sometimes I get the feeling that you...
...you don't love me after all.
Kaho, you're crying? Where does it hurt?
Her heart.
Atsushi!
The last time you said I made her cry, you hit me, Kanade.
This time, you made her cry, didn't you?
And in a much crueler way than I did.
I'm not bullying her!
You don't love her one bit. That's why she's crying.
What?!
In which case, I, the actual grown-up...
...will take her.
What's Taga doing?
Hey!
What's the big idea, cuttin' in on us? Who the heck are you?
I could ask you the same thing.
Bro here is my cousin!
Huh. How old?
Sixth grade!
I see.
Huh?!
Why're ya laughin'? Age ain't got nothin' to do with it!
And ya can't just... take her!
'S like Kanade said: Kaho ain't a thing you can just give and take!
Oh, I'm not taking her as a thing.
I'm taking her heart, too.
In a way a little kid never could.
Um...
In a way we can't?!
U-Um...
I'm a you-can-do-it-if-you-try kid!
And I'm a push-comes-to-shove man!
Um.
Ummm...
Big talk. You don't know a tiling about women.
Um... ummm...!
Will you stop with all the "umm"ing already?
If you have got something to say, say it! God, you imbecile.
I-If I'm so annoying, why not just write me off?
You're the one who stepped into this with plenty to say!
It's still just harassment, anyway!
Hmm...
Guess you're not taking the bait this time, eh?
Maybe you have learned something, you silly girl.
Wha—
I-I'm having an important discussion with Kanade right now!
Oh, an important discussion?
Eh?
Kanade?
You're too much.
Primary-schoolers fighting over you—really?
Now that's worth spying on. Right?
They can't tear themselves away.
Y-You're wrong!
About what, Kouta?
No way... What is all this?
I-I was just—just innocently—
These people are always, always—
I do too know about women!
Yeah! It's spelled W-O-M-E-N!
I can't!
I just can't!
Huh?
I'm not getting through to him at all!
Taga's mean, everyone's enjoying this...
...and I really don't know what Kanade's thinking.
I did my best to put my feelings into words, but he's just not getting it!
What do I do now?
First Love Monster After-Class Homeroom
Our topic today—
Give my trunks back first!
Who has them?!
Ooh! Ooh!
What's the difference between "p**-p**M and "w**ner"?
Where'd that come from?
I mean, there's lots of words for it, right?
Right. Old guys say "d*ck."
My sister? When she changes her baby's diaper?
She says "p**-p**."
Hey, but can I get my trunks—ah!
By that theory, newborns have p**-p**s...
...we have w**ners...
...and old guys have d*cks!
My trunks!
What a scoop!
So w**ners change names as we grow, huh?
Like those "promotion fish"?
What are those?
Fish whose names change as they mature.
Take the buri yellowtail. First it's called wakashi;
Wakashi
Inada
then, as it gets bigger, inada, warasa, and finally buri.
Warasa
Buri
Huh!
So we should really call 'em "promotion w**ners"!
Like this?
P**-p**
W**ner
D*ck
Oh!
Ah!
I've seen people calling w**ners "rods" and "poles" and "bats"!
Rod
Pole
Bat
Say what?!
What's up with that? Huh, Kazu?
They must have evolved independently.
Evolved independently?!
How cool is that?
P**-p**
W**ner
D*ck
You know, I've heard something, too.
Rod
Pole
Bat
A word having to do with w**ners...
...something like... "erection"?
"Erection"?
We got us a whole new one!
I think I once heard Mom say her favorite clam dish was... erectable?
Oh, so it's a kind of shellfish!
Wrong!
Another independent evolution!
Which means...
...the final evolution of a w**ner is...
Erection
...an erection!
I'm telling you, you're wrong! And where are my trunks?!
Renren here!
Coming up on First Love Monster...
Learn to hula-hoop like a champ! Don't circle your hips—move them forward and back. Thrust forward, thrust back. Once you can repeat this without thinking, you can go forever!
All on the next First Love Monster:
"Hula-Hoop Hullabaloo"!
Next Time "Hula-Hoop Hullabaloo"
And now for a match! Renren, chon!